"Five days shalt thou labour, as the Bible says. The seventh day is the Lord thy God's. The sixth day is for football" - Apostle Paolo Lamarra

Team: Mercelis / Bernardo, Mojena, McGrath / Ricketts, McGeehan, Lamarra.S, Billiet, Lachia / Kellerman, Vadora Sub: Lebbink

Lineker: Tonight on Match of the Day we have a full report on all the games that have been played in the ABSSA first division. We watched a fistful of delightful games and I promise you some absolutely world class action tonight! Joining us on this special occasion are the Statler & Waldorf of RBBFC; John McGrath and Jim Donnelly! Welcome to the both of you.

We start at Rosières where the mighty Brussels British took on a young Coin du Balai team. The champions have been in ominous goalscoring form lately, dispatching any opposition with relative ease. Coin du Balai on the other hand are having a real shocker at the moment with only 1 point out of 9. Past meetings between both have always resulted in lots of goals so we should be in for a treat!

The commentators at the sunny Rosières fortress are John Motson and Andy Gray.

Motson: RBBFC are lining up in their preferred 3-5-2 or 5-3-2 all depending on the size of your bollocks. In goal is the Belgian Manuel Neuer, Kris Mercelis. At the back we've got the 2 mediterranean madmen, Mojena Rodriguez and Denis Bernardo joined by the playmaking, free-kick taking, occasionally groin injuring crossover between Shawcross and Crouch, el capitano Nils McGrath.

In midfield we've got the usual suspects, Edward the rhinoceros riquets adding some much needed cover for their, at times, a little too flamboyant defense joined by the orchestrating maestros Lamarra and McGeehan. Lachia and Billiet complete the midfield on the left and right side respectively. Up front the British are with their prolific German bomber Kellerman and the Italian stallion Michele Vadora.

Gray: Thanks John for that refreshing line-up :) Coin du Balai are lining up with their usual band of nobodies.

The champions have scored 14 goals in the past 3 games so we might see a lot of action in front of goal today...

Motson: So far some neat interplay between the rbbfc midfield and their strikers but no goals yet

Gray: Yeah the British midfield are dominating at the moment but they need to convert all that possession into goals. Crisp passes and crunching tackles are no guarantee for goals indeed. They need to turn it around or they might get caught on the break.

Motson: add to that the miserable crossing from Billiet and you know why the match remains scoreless so far. He needs to improve or he's facing a torrid afternoon!

Gray: Oh and he has! a pinpoint cross from the right side reaches Kellerman with just the goalkeeper to beat but he skews his effort wide. they should have been 1 up by now John

Motson: True dat man, true dat.

Motson: Lamarra with some nifty dribbling in front of the box, ooooh, brought down by a Balai defender!

Gray: That's a really nice position there John, I can see them scoring with some luck and a divine intervention. Captain McGrath to take the freekick... My goodness off the crossbar!! That was a real torpedo! The goalkeeper looked like he lost his library card there, absolute shocking goalkeeping.

Gray: Here's a corner for the brits. McGeehan to take. Floats it to the 2nd post. Bernardo with the flick and Goooaaal!! Off Billiets thigh! 1-0 to the champions!!!

Motson: That one wasn't pretty that's for sure but they all count and he will be delighted to score on his first match of the season after recovering from an ankle injury

Gray: So one nil at the break after some entertaining football without much of and end product. Let's hope the 2nd half gives the supporters what the really came for, goals goals and some more goals

RBBFC makes one change from the starting eleven and bring on Lebbink for Lachia, lovely.

Motson:McGeehan to Ricketts...Ricketts holds off 7 balai players with his pinkie...squares it for Lamarra who drives forward. Kellerman is calling for the ball! You can see him shouting: I help you I help you! turning red like a ripe tomato in the process. He gets it eventually and produces a nice lay off for Billiet who slots home with his weaker left foot. Excellent finish after a sweet rbbfc move. That's more like it!

Gray: The champions really showed why they went #undefeated last season. what a gorgeous move that was! Abssa first division football at it's best! Stunning!!

Gray: Nice pass to Kellerman who holds off his defender, WONDERFUL flick to Billiet who is storming up the pitch. so far no back up so he'll have to come up with something special here. The balai left back is in good position but Billiet cuts inside, goal! He remains composed and slots it in at the near post. 3-0 to the champions!

Motson: Nice spell of possession here from the brits. They really upped their game in the 2nd half with some good crosses and nice end-to-end stuff.

Gray: Dangerous stuff from the balai defense here, they might get punished here...Lamarra in a nice shooting position for his preferred right foot...ooh leaves it for the oncoming Billiet who scores with a thumping finish in the roof of the net. Keeper was down, no chance for him there

Motson: That surely seals it Andy. They have a mountain to climb now! The brits look like they are hungry for one more...

Gray: Billiet taking on his marker on the right side, skips past him and is through on goal!! This has to be another goal, 3 rbbfc players in the box all calling for the ball.

Billiet looks up and squares it to Kellerman who slots it in the empty net. Ooooh and Mojena is furious at not getting the ball there. He thought his goal was already made Hahahaha. Football can be a cruel sport, can't it John?

Motson: It surely can Andy. And there is the final whistle!! 5-0 to the champions after a great game of football. If they keep up this form they will be crowned again before Christmas, mark my words!

Gray: Be careful John, it's a funny old game...

Lineker: Gentlemen, is this the season where this team is going to break all the records?

McGrath: Certainly not Gary, I mean, look at Billiet who scored 4 goals today. He can't really kick a ball can he? I mean, my grandmother strikes the ball better than this glorified 200 meter runner. Ok, 4 goals is not bad but come one, any fool could have scored those!! And their strikers, my God, what a bunch of useless t****. Kellerman looks like he should be flying around on a broomstick with his gay boyfriend Potter and Vadora thinks his touch is better than Berbatov. The only thing he touches is his Johnson before he showers to make it look bigger than it is.

McGrath: Mojena's *** has more hair than the midfield trio combined and the defense can't even spell their own name for Christ sake!! This lot will be lucky to even stay in the top flight!

Donnelly: Yeah Gary and on top of that, they don't listen during training!!! Even during my highly professional warm up, they pretend like I'm some sorry ass Romanian lady who is offering to clean their windshields at De Brouckère

Lineker:Thanks for your contribution Gentlemen...

Man of the Match and Commentator(s): Maarten Billiet